


these things (because of you)

by sandpapersnowman



Series: Misc Tumblr Prompts [5]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Choking, Face Punching, Gift Fic, M/M, Threats of Violence, but like nonsexual and only a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-24 19:22:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22343119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandpapersnowman/pseuds/sandpapersnowman
Summary: Jaskier is 'embellishing', as usual. There were no twins, and Geralt had established ano sex songsboundary early on that Jaskier worked around by lying through his teeth. The crowd gathered around them now hoots and hollers, laughing when Jaskier wants them to and whistling when things get lewd, and Geralt is happy to stand beside Jaskier as he gestures and dances between tunes of the song.Usually.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: Misc Tumblr Prompts [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1303820
Comments: 6
Kudos: 191





	these things (because of you)

**Author's Note:**

> title from phoenix's [J-Boy](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/phoenix/jboy.html) because every title is from phoenix
> 
> written for riohasoreos on tumblr!!! they asked for jaskier punching geralt in the face and this is not. Exactly what they were looking for but still involves A Punch

So far, Jaskier has a dozen songs in his line-up of Witcher-related shenanigans, but his latest has been a particular hit. The White Wolf meets a beautiful woman, they have slow, gentle sex on Monday, and they go their separate ways. He sees her again on Tuesday, they have filthy, rough sex, and they go their separate ways. On Wednesday, the White Wolf thinks he's seeing double, but the woman he's fucked the last two days was actually a set of twins, who can't believe he couldn't tell them apart.

The twin from Tuesday, the naughty one, cries and declares she will never lay with a man again, then storms off into the night.

The twin from Monday, who had been so soft and sweet, punches the White Wolf for breaking their hearts and storms off after her sister.

Jaskier is 'embellishing', as usual. There were no twins, and Geralt had established a _no sex songs_ boundary early on that Jaskier worked around by lying through his teeth. The crowd gathered around them now hoots and hollers, laughing when Jaskier wants them to and whistling when things get lewd, and Geralt is happy to stand beside Jaskier as he gestures and dances between tunes of the song, smiling as though he’s telling Geralt’s deepest secrets rather than spinning a comedic-erotica yarn. 

Geralt cackles with the crowd when the Wednesday punchline hits. He joins the sympathetic 'aw's when the first twin cries and leaves.

Usually, he nods solemnly when Jaskier throws a punch to the air, describing how the witcher's actions _asked for the fair maiden's hand, and, oh, did he receive it!_

Usually.

Today, with a small crowd of a dozen or so gathered at the inn they’re staying in, Jaskier calls _oh_ , leans down from the chair and table he’s elevated himself onto, and punches Geralt square across the mouth. 

The air rings silent. The punch was enough to knock his head back while he was only focused on enjoying the song, and he expects to see Jaskier looking shocked, afraid, _regretful_. The crowd certainly does, every face looking varying degrees of horrified, and the smell of fear thickens the air like pouring rain.

Jaskier is _laughing_.

He doesn't skip a beat; he finishes out the song, wishes everyone a lovely evening, and hops off the table. There are a few scattered claps and whispers of confusion, but Jaskier seems to be the only person that can’t read the room.

Jaskier tries to slip into the crowd for drinks and conversation, but Geralt has already snagged his arm and dragged him halfway back to their shared room before Jaskier can begin to protest.

Geralt throws Jaskier into the room ahead of him and kicks the door shut behind them.

“What the _hell_ was that?”

Jaskier spins around toward him and puts his hands up in surrender.

“I thought it’d be funny,” he admits. "All these stories of the White Wolf tearing monsters apart, bedding women, breaking hearts, only to be smacked by his own bard for a little slapstick."

...Ugh. Damn him. 

That _is_ funny.

No random passerby could get away with it, but Geralt's aware that his and Jaskier's companionship appeals to people; he's a dangerous, brooding man who allows only one person to travel with him and live. Not that he'd kill someone just for traveling with him, but Jaskier is the only person that's ever been brave enough to go for it. 

"I can tell you thought so, too," Jaskier teases. "Frowning like you don't think I'll notice you _giggling_ on the inside. 

He is, but Jaskier shouldn't know that. He shouldn't be comfortable calling Geralt out on it, either, and Geralt suddenly realizes he's allowed Jaskier to know him _much_ too well. There's only the slightest rise in his heartbeat and Geralt doesn't smell any fear or anxiety on him, only amusement and something too sweet for Geralt's taste.

Jaskier should _not_ be this comfortable around him.

Geralt steps forward and Jaskier doesn’t budge. He hasn’t been making good on his threats, has he? Saying he’ll leave Jaskier somewhere to die and then going inconveniently far out of his way to make sure he’s safe and comfortable, instead.

They’re toe to toe, and Jaskier is only looking up expectantly with barely-widened eyes.

Geralt brings both his hands up and clutches Jaskier by the throat.

"That's a brave risk to take," Geralt says low, squeezing enough to feel Jaskier's breath rasp past his thumbs. "I don't believe you _know_ me as well as you think you do."

Jaskier's gaze flickers between Geralt's searing eyes, his bared teeth, and his curled, snarling lip, and Geralt is finally vindicated with a hint of doubt. Not _nearly_ as much as there should be, but it’s a start.

"Maybe not," Jaskier admits. "But I knew you'd think it was funny."

"It doesn't happen again, got it?"

"Of course," Jaskier agrees, breath coming quicker. “Yes, Geralt, okay, it won’t happen again.”

A little more panic. Geralt isn’t keeping him from breathing at all, only keeping him from deeper breaths; only enough to redden his cheeks and make Jaskier’s fingers hover as if to pry Geralt’s hands away but not quite trying to.

Geralt lets Jaskier stew in it another moment. It’s not that he enjoys seeing Jaskier _afraid_ , but he does enjoy seeing Jaskier embarrassed and otherwise knocked down a peg. Maybe he should threaten Jaskier more often.

He releases Jaskier after one last, lingering squeeze.

"Not without a warning, anyway," Geralt amends.

Jaskier’s legs shake as he catches his breath, trying to look casual gasping for air and touching his throat softly.

“You are _so mean to me_ ,” Jaskier eventually squawks out, but they’re both laughing. Geralt straightens Jaskier’s collar where he’d caught the fabric and rumpled wrinkles into it, and Jaskier goes into detail about, okay, I _should_ have asked you first but then I wouldn’t have gotten _that look_ on your face, it is _so_ amusing.

It doesn't even occur to him until much, much later, that Jaskier called himself _his_ bard, and Geralt hadn't even noticed.

**Author's Note:**

> jaskier: i have no clue how to tell geralt of rivia, thiccass witcher, that i'm dtf. obviously i have to punch him in the face to convey this
> 
> geralt, somehow: am i in love with jaskier now?? wtf
> 
> you can also find me on tumblr as [ or on my witcher sideblog, ](https://sandpapersnowman.tumblr.com/)[servicebottomgeralt](https://servicebottomgeralt.tumblr.com/)! hmu!


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